[Self Care] Struggling to Release Bitterness…

Without getting into much detail, I have someone in my life whom I love dearly and who, over the years, has done some very hurtful and destructive things to me. Things that have caused me to lose my Self, my self-confidence, and my self-esteem. It made me question what was wrong with me — what had I done to deserve that sort of treatment…

Goddess, however, has made me a very forgiving person. I can’t think of one person who has wronged me that I have not forgiven. Hell — forgiveness is for ME and not for them anyway! Why allow someone else to rent free space in your mind by not forgiving them? They’re happily off skipping along, oblivious to the fact that you are mad at them and haven’t forgiven them. It’s YOU that end up with negative energies surrounding you.

That brings me to the issue I’m struggling with: releasing the bitterness that is associated with the wrongdoing…

I have forgiven the person, as I said that was for me. But I am STRUGGLING with the bitterness of what’s transpired. This person is still in my life in an intricate way. I want them there, it’s my choice. I love this person dearly and it is clear that I want to continue being in contact with this person. But what I cannot shake is the bitterness I have for what that person has done. Knowingly. Intentionally. Flagrantly…

This person knew their actions would devastate me. There was no question. Some of them were taken just because the person could take advantage of the situation at the time and manipulate me. Control. Puppetize me so that they can both do what they wanted to do and still have their cake. And now the shoe is on the other foot… Now I have the proverbial “upperhand”, not that I would ever wield it. I am now in a position to control and manipulate the person who did that to me and it is SO hard not to think about that. It is SO hard not to be bitter and want to retaliate by wielding some of that “power” that I now have.

I am proud of myself though. I did bring what I was feeling to the attention of the person. I did tell them how I felt used and controlled. But then my True Power came and I was able to speak my Peace: I told that person that I would absolutely no longer put up with the high school games they were playing. I am 51 and now retired, about to make some major financial moves that will catapult my business forward and set me up in retirement so I don’t have to ever worry about finances. I REFUSE to move into this leg of the journey called life bringing baggage from the past.

So I released it…

By having a heart-to-heart with this person. By telling this person unequivocally what I will and will not accept from them. By having a soul-bearing conversation that says where I am now, where I am about to go, and that I am taking no past baggage with me. I set my boundaries firmly and will maintain them with vigilance! They weren’t happy about the things I said, the way I had been feeling. They weren’t happy with my boldness in approaching them and basically saying “if XYZ doesn’t transpire beginning immediately, then we have to end this farce…” It wasn’t an ultimatum —

It is what I deserve.

I deserve better. To be treated better. To be held as a better friend. To be the companion and confidant — not some other person… I have known for a very long time that I do but have not been strong enough to demand it. Now I have and there’s no turning back for me. If only I can release the bitterness, my victory will be complete!

What do you do to release bitterness? All constructive creative suggestions welcome…

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