[Musings] Attempting Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way — Again…

This looks to be the 3rd time I’m attempting to work through this master work…

I am determined, however, to make it all the way through this time! And I’m enlisting “help” of sorts — you! You see…I’ve created a new hang out on Wysdom’s Web: a Book Club. I love reading books, especially empowerment books. Sometimes, it’s fun (read: easier) to get through these books together. Not because it’s difficult material — but just because community makes things better!

As I stated above, I have attempted this book 2 other times in the past. I have not finished. Frankly, I don’t think I made it past the second chapter either time. A bunch of circumstances can be used as scapegoats for why I haven’t completed the workbook. The truth of it is plain and simple: Fear.

  • Fear of what would come up if I started working on me.
  • Fear of what changes would happen to me and for me.
  • Fear of letting go of things I deemed precious and necessary because I find out through this process that these things no longer serve me…

But I am now at a juncture in my life where I am ready. Ready to embrace what is now on my horizon. Ready to stop “surviving” and start living! Ready to create the happiness that I want for my life and stop waiting around for it to materialize on its own. No longer do I put my happiness in the hands of any other…

I have learned (the hard way) that only I can make me happy.

My spouse, my former job, my kids — these are all things that add to my happiness. Not things that cause my happiness. Only I can cause and create happiness for me. Spouse, job, kids are all “tools” in my happiness but they are not things that create happiness for me. Rather than being a “slave” to these thing — exerting all of my effort outside of my Self and ensuring the happiness of these beings and things with an expectation that because I’ve served my purpose in their lives or businesses, the happiness would automatically be reciprocated — I have learned to give the attention due them, but without neglecting Self as was the case in the past. Not all things are reciprocated…

I have learned that in order to be happy, I have to define and then manifest what happiness is for me. I have to actively seek it out and create it; not sit back and think it’s going to manifest because I am a manifest-er of it for others. And I am excited… Excited because with this realization in and of itself comes much happiness. I now know how to fix what was “broken” for me!

And it started right before the new year, right with those amazing full moons where I was able to release so much which no longer serves me and the new moons which allowed me to call to my Self that much more by sowing the seeds of happiness that I wanted for my Self in the new year. And those seeds flourished. They are manifesting the life of my dreams As. I. Type. I have not been happier in a very very long time.

But isn’t this supposed to be about working through The Artist’s Way together? LOL…

You will soon get used to my ramblings… It’s what I do but what I haven’t  allowed my Self to do on my blogs because I always had to follow the “blog rules.” Blog rules, smog rules! There are NO rules when writing a blog post from the heART!! You. Just. Write. Who knows? My writings and ramblings could be the very words that someone reading just might need to “hear” in that moment. Another thing I am doing for my personal happiness.

Julia Cameron’s book is said to be amazingly transformational. It is touted to be one of the “bibles” for re-sparking your creative energy. My desire to create is great; my execution, however, is severely lacking… I hope that The Artist’s Way can unblock whatever is stopping me from executing. I know what a huge part of it is: guilt. Guilt that while I am enjoying myself immersed in whatever creative pursuit I am endeavoring into, the spouse/kids will be neglected. I won’t be available, get this — when and if they call on me. Yes…it’s as bad as that. As bad as not picking up the things I want to do for me because someone else or some thing else may want or need my attention and I have to be available for that.

Not!

Not anymore! That didn’t bring me happiness. It brought me sadness. No one was sitting around waiting to do whatever they could to ensure my happiness. Why was I doing it for anybody else??? Doesn’t mean I won’t do things to make those I love happy. It’s in my nature –I’m a healer/nurturer. I will always be there for the next person. Can’t not be there if I tried (and believe me I’ve tried!). This isn’t about doing. This is about not doing for ME as much or more than I am doing for others. It’s that which will no longer be happening in my life — it no longer serves me…

Truth be told, in the past it was enough. It did bring me great joy to see others happy and to know that I had a hand in that happy-making. It still does. But now I need to see and feel that same happiness for my Self. I need to be on the receiving end of the gift of happiness. And if I can do it for others, I most certainly can do it for Self.

I’ve already started…

 

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